An Open Letter to My Husband on the Occasion of Our Sixth Anniversary

Dear Ryan,

You know my history with previous boyfriends, and I know yours. We’ve both had experiences that have left us damaged, closed and wary. We’re still unpacking that baggage; even though it’s so much easier going through it with someone committed to helping you find the proper place for it, it’s an exhausting process. You’ve been so patient and understanding dealing with my baggage, and you’ve been so brave dealing with your own. It amazes me, how far we’ve come together.

I never, ever would have thought that I would be here with you ten years ago. I had settled in to the idea that perhaps I was meant to be alone, that there were too many incompatibilities with other people to really be intimately tangled. But you reached out, past your fear and through my own, and here we are: still together after six years of marriage. It’s one of the things that to this day allows me to move past any hesitation I might feel. The last time I did something despite being afraid of the risks involved, it was the best thing that ever happened. I don’t regret it; haven’t even thought about regretting it.

I’ve watched you as we’ve built our lives together. Now that we have a home, a refuge to come to from the world, you’ve gone out and done great things. You’ve rediscovered your love and talent for writing, you’ve published two books, you’ve gone to Clarion. The dream that you’ve always had is coming along nicely; there’s still work to do, and by no means is it certain, but watching you turn back from your rejection of being a writer to accomplishing what you have has been an incredible joy to me.

You inspire me. You encourage me to go out and do the same thing, to take a look at all the dreams I had when I was young and shape them into something real with the wisdom of adulthood. Without you, I would have had a much more difficult time finding my footing. I feel rooted and boundless at the same time; I have a much better sense of myself, and so much more compassion for others.

Before we were married, I had no idea how important it was to signify our bond that way. But standing there in that church, in front of the community we were part of, to solidify our relationship and share the strength of it with those that we love…it changed me. I don’t see myself as a befuddled outsider, struggling to comprehend the bonds that other people share. I see how I’m connected — to you, to our friends, family, coworkers, to everyone. You opened that door, that next stage of my journey.

And in the six years since, we’ve walked together through pain and difficulty, success and comfort. The support you provide has been invaluable, and the pushes you’ve given me towards my development are appreciated beyond words. I love you so much. I’m glad to have helped you in the ways that I have, so happy to share my love with you, and I look forward to doing it for six decades more.

The future is very bright, my love. I can’t wait to share it with you.