Habari gani, folk?
Day 5 of Kwanzaa is all about Nia, or Purpose — which is admittedly one of the trickiest principles to talk about because it’s so big and so vague. How does anyone truly know their purpose? And how can our individual purposes align with the ones we’ve set for our communities?
These aren’t easy questions to answer. I don’t think anyone, even on their deathbeds, could give you a succinct answer to “What is the purpose of your life?” And while we may certainly have purposes for our communities, we often don’t think about them beyond “providing a space and time for people of like minds to get together around a topic or idea”. Wrestling for a more solid answer to these questions is worthwhile to me, because it forces me to think about how I build my life, who I build it for, and how my purpose fits in with the world around me. Note, however, I didn’t say I have a solid answer to any of these.
I don’t want to come across as if I have this figured out, so I’ll talk about my personal journey here. I’m still not sure I can clearly state the overwhelming intention of my life, but over the years I’ve been able to wrangle it into a somewhat-defined shape. My experiences and my natural temperament have pushed me toward a profound interest in mental health, and though I don’t have professional training I’ve read, thought, and applied a lot of theories and techniques to my personal life. I feel I’ve developed a sensitivity to the kind of suffering the brain can cause, and a natural empathy that drives me to alleviate it when I see it in others. I don’t just want to help others feel better; I want to help others find the tools they can use to make themselves more resilient — or at least give themselves more grace as they move through the process.
In groups, I try to be someone who manages the temperature in the room. I’m often reacting instead of responding in those situations, though, so I’m not very good at it. Instead, I find myself often overwhelmed by the emotional energy around me. Even when it’s positive, it’s a lot and it wears me down. It took me some time to recognize and accept this, but I’m socially sensitive and my battery needs to be refilled with alone time.
After 2016, I gave up on any expression of that purpose. Now? More than ever, it feels like the world needs softbois like me to represent the gentle, sensitive side of humanity. I want to be a source of warmth and compassion for others. I want to be brave enough to be vulnerable with others, here and everywhere. I want that for the spaces I inhabit, and for the communities I’m in to be a refuge from a world that delights in making people cold and mean.
Having this spirit close to my heart in the new year will, hopefully, be clarifying when I’m overwhelmed or frozen by choice paralysis on the best way to show up. I know I’ve failed on this purpose in some huge ways, and I’m doing my best to learn from that. Still, there could be worse things than being the Group Hobbit, you know?
In your friend groups, communities, families and all, what purpose do YOU serve? How do you hope to improve your personal or communal focus in the coming year?
From the Desk of Jakebe T. Rabbit 